Wednesday, January 27, 2016
**NOISE NOISE NOISE**
Today I was struck by the overwhelming noise that seems to accompany my everyday life. It manifests itself in different ways: that when I'm waiting in line for my coffee, I automatically open my phone; that I constantly have my TV on and feel that I need it to fill the silence; the fact that every time I open my computer, I have multiple tabs open, to pointless things but for some reason, I think that if I close them I will never be able to find them again.
Maybe this is just me, a byproduct of my constant anxiety. But I don't want to live this way anymore. I want to appreciate the quiet. To read a book instead of watching TV. To embrace nature. To live authentically and quietly. To work hard. But mainly, I just want to start focusing on one thing at a time and giving those things that improve my life my full attention.
I think it's part of this generation. We wake up in the morning and check instagram, twitter, email. And those things aren't bad. I love being inspired by Instagram, reading news from around the world on Twitter, communicating easily on Email.
I'm tired of this constant busyness and need to prove myself to others. I always come back to the quote: "Stop comparing your behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel." Just because I don't have it all together or I'm not at the same point in my life as others, doesn't mean I'm failing. It means I'm doing what's best for me. Of course, there are things in my life I would like to change. But I also appreciate that this is my time for focusing on me, on improving myself, and enjoying this time in my life.
Time passes so quickly. And without stopping to enjoy life now and do the things that make me really happy, what exactly is the point. Even if those things may seem silly to others. Cooking pasta for myself, reading a book, organizing my closet, taking in the silence, focusing on my health, waking up to a clean and organized house. These things are just for me.
In this way of thinking, I'm going to *try* to stop worrying so much about my family and friends (even though I love them, I can't make anyone do anything they don't want for themselves) and do things just for me.