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Friday, December 5, 2014

THERE WAS A LOT OF DANCING AND HUGS TODAY


I'm sitting in my bed, curled up in sweats, with a stupid smile I can't wipe off my face. Deep breath… Today, after four years, I finally gave notice at my soul sucking, cubicle, office horrors job. (Pause for dancing, lots of dancing, dancing that has been happening since I walked out of the building.)

Truth be told, it wasn't that bad. I've been extremely fortunate to always have a secure job with understand bosses (most of the time). I started working there when I was 17, still in high school, after just leaving to do online school because of mean girls. I wasn't fitting in and decided to just be done, call it a day. I had my friends that were like family and no one could take that from me. Why did I need to torture myself everyday by being ignored by my previous "best friends" and talked about behind my back? So online school was begun, and my working career life also began.  

Over the past four years, my job has evolved but for me it's always been just that, a job. It wasn't a career, it wasn't something that I looked forward to doing every day. But as far as jobs go, for a young person that hadn't yet completed a college degree, it paid well and was a nice environment. So I stuck with it. I learned a lot. About myself, about working with others, about navigating through life. But in the past few months, I've barely been able to get out of bed to go to the office. Just knowing that I have to go there, to that cubicle, even when it's just part time, kills me inside. So, after a lot of thinking and over thinking, as it goes with me, I decided to move on. And I don't think I've ever been quite so confident in a decision as I have been in my whole life. 

Slowly, slowly, I feel like I'm moving forward and making a life for myself that I'm happy with. I can't change those around me but I can change myself. I deserve to be happy. And today, I was.

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