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Friday, August 23, 2013

BLAH

That's the only way to describe this week. Between the period hormones (an unwelcome surprise this morning) causing me to basically want to lash out at most people that spoke to me and a few bits of disappointing news, this week hasn't been the greatest. Few people can understand the monstrousity that visits me every month. In the days before, I break out, have emotional ups and downs, and no matter how much I eat or sleep, I'm perpetually tired and shaky. Basically just a really great time in my life.  

It's also accompanied by nightmares? Have you ever heard of that? Last night, I had the one where I want to wake up because I realize I'm dreaming, but just can't. They are absolutely terrifying and I didn't sleep the rest of the night.

As a loyal Proactiv user, my skin is generally under control. This week though... my face is breaking out like a 12 year old boy. It's real cute.  

I spent last weekend bed bound by a summer cold, which I didn't know was an actual thing until it happened. Colds are for winter, end of story.  I was a sniveling mess and was told I looked just as gross as I felt. 

This rush of hormones really brings out the worst in me. I spend my nights crying myself to sleep and dwelling too much on the past. In my mind, I know that the things I'm telling myself aren't true but all my old feelings keep coming up. I fight and fight to keep them down but have certain triggers. They take me back to all my old feelings... of not being enough, not being important, all the mistakes I've made, the fact that *almost* every relationship I've ever had, the other person has seemingly proven to me my unimportance and made it clear that I am not enough in their eyes. I know I'm too hard on myself but sometimes, I need to just have a good cry.  

I'm letting myself have tonight to feel bad tonight but tomorrow, moving on. My energy needs to be channeled into working on myself and achieving goals, not dwelling on the past.  

Honestly, I'm just ready to put this week behind me. This bad mood, bad thoughts, no energy, being my own worst enemy thing is not a good time.

The good news is, today I discovered episodes of "Gossip Girl" I've never seen before. Silver lining?? While we're on the subject, Chuck and Blair are one of the great couples/love stories ever, in my humble opinion.

P.S. My goal this week is to be more positive. "Talk about your blessings more than your burdens."  That's my motto. After this post of course.

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